As the music begins sounds dramatic like there was something amazing about to happen. Then a small mouse starts to creep around casually in the kitchen like another normal day. Hopefully she's not seen especially not by the devilish cat.
The mouse finally finds what she was looking for, cheese. Then the cat comes up behind her making a shadow loom over her. Then the music gets faster and faster as the chase begins.
They run around the kitchen, the cat striking out her long sharp claws to catch the mouse but misses every time. The mouse is very good at getting out of the way of her claws. The mouse lost the cat and thought she was free but little did she know the cat was right beside her under the table. All of a sudden the cat grabbed the mouse and was going to eat her. Shocked, the mouse pushed and pulled and kicked and hit but struggled to get out of the cats grasp.
Luckily the animal lover Coco came in and saw the commotion. She yelled at the cat as the music got back to it’s quieter beats and let the mouse free. Then the mouse walked off casually to the beat giving a smug smile to the cat as the music started fading. Will the mouse be back?
Georgia, I think you did well to build a tense atmosphere in your writing which matched the mood of your music. I like how you used adjectives and adverbs at the beginning of some sentences to make your writing sound more detailed and exciting. Next time, use websites or tools like the thesaurus to find more powerful adjectives, verbs and adverbs to add more excitement to your writing.
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